Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
