And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
