He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Randomize
