I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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