So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I met the friendliest cop last night
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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