omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
