? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
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