i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
