i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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