would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You took a bar mat shot.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
