guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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