im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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