dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
try to milk me bitch
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
