No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
