And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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