I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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