Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
