I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize