My boss' voice literally gives me gas
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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