he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
