I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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