If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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