so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
