make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
how drunk are you?
Several
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
