I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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