new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
