i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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