If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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