did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
