Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize