I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize