So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
