I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
