he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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