I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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