i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
