The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
