does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
