I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
