I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize