oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
