Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
