i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Randomize
