Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
