It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You were trust falling into bushes
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
