I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
