ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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