Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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