um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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