Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
