I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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