Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize