YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
