she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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