I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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