JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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