you're like a bully in the Christmas story
where am i from again
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
