I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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