the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
