here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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