I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
