Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
