my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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