even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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