toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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