I hate all girls vehemently.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
