This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Randomize
