you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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