3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Randomize
