I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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