I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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