I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
