so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
