In the future we'll all be gay
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i came on her dog
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
