Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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