Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
