Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
