will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
