A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
