dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
