I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
