I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize