I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
