with your own penis?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
