I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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