Moan for me like Helen Keller
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
