Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
