I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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