Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
