You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize