sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
