I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
