yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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