Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize