guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
