my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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