If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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