no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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